This post is for the HABPSO’s (Husbands and Boyfriends and Partners and Significant Others) of the menopausal women.
I get tons of messages from women saying their HABPSO’s just don’t ‘get’ the menopause and are being less than supportive!
So I thought I’d take things a step further and dedicate a whole post to the people supporting a women through their menopausal years.
One thing that can help is to live 24 hours
as a menopausal woman – this immersion will give you real insight into what it’s like and allow you to empathise more fully.
So this is how to have such a day:
* Start the experiment about 10pm – go to bed with a thermal vest, four jumpers with hot water bottles between each – and keep your electric blanket on full.
* Once you are soaked through with sweat, get up and change the bedclothes and yourself.
* Ensure you have a recording of all the things you are worried about. Set your alarm for 3am and listen to it for 2 hours.
* Just before you are about to fall asleep again – stick a bag of midgies or mosquitos in bed with you and lie itching and scratching for an hour or so
* Get up and wear clothes that are a size too small around the waist
* Before going to work tweeze your beard rather than shave
* Smoke 5 joints and take 2 sleeping tablets and a swig of nightnurse on your way to work. This will get you some way to understanding the ‘brain fog’ symptom
* Every couple of hours (ideally before a key meeting with your boss) get up and nip to the kitchen and stand in front of the industrial sized ovens for a full 10 minutes.
* Half way through meetings think of something very very sad and try to hold back the tears. If someone annoys you tell them to shut up and then worry about it for the rest of the day
* That evening allow your partner to rub your ‘joystick’ with coarse sandpaper for a long time
This will help you get a full understanding of what the woman in your life is going through. If this isn’t sufficient to get you to modify your behaviour around her – here are some really specific tips:
*If you arrive home and find said lady completely naked on top of the bed – DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT take this as an invitation to leap on her for some passion. The correct response is to say ‘hunni are you a bit hot – let me just get you some cold wine out of the fridge’.
*There are times when the lovely lady may tell you to ‘get to fuck and when you get there just keep fucking off and fucking off til you have fucked right off’. If this happens think very carefully if this is justified – perhaps you have maybe been breathing just a bit too loudly? Or returned from Marks and Spencer having picked up the cheese option, or worse the alcohol free option, from the Dine In offer? The correct response is ‘oh darling let me get you some wine and I’ll sleep in the spare room so you get some space’
* You may face a situation where you see some whiskers clearly visible on the ladies chin or upperlip. And you wonder whether to ask if she is taking part in Movember. Don’t. Just don’t. Just give her some wine.
*Some nights you may notice the woman sticking a leg in then out of the covers then in then out again. It is not the correct response to sing the hokey cokey at full volume. This isn’t even vaguely funny. Not even a little bit.
*You may be woken several times in the night with the woman suffering anxiety and wanting to talk about whether Joan at work meant anything when she looked at her funny last week. The correct response is NOT ‘oh don’t be stupid and let me bloody sleep’. You must say ‘let me get some wine and you can tell me all about it’. Even if she has already told you 18 times and forgotten about it.
*A particularly dangerous scenario is when your other half asks ‘Do I look fat in this?’. I would hope no advice is needed here. But just in case – the correct answer is NOT ‘yes you do a bit’ or ‘you’ll do’. You must look up from your phone and say ‘WOW you look AMAZING, let me get you some wine’
I hope this helps all you HABPSO’s.
Any other tips anyone would like to share??